Little Patrick asked for a bike for his Birthday. His dad said: "We'd get you one but your mortgage is $80,000 and your mum has lost her job."

Next day Patrick walked out with his suitcase packed, his dad asks: "Where you going son?"

Patrick replied: "I walked past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out, then I heard mum tell you to wait coz she was comintoo, I'm not staying here on me own with an $80,000 mortgage and no fucking bike!"


Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"

Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."


Little Susie comes home from school and tells her mum that the boys were asking her to do cart wheels and said she was very good.

Mum said: "Don't do them. The boys only want to see your knickers!"

Susie said: "I know which is why i put them in my bag!"

Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"

Customer: "Are you crazy? It's twenty below outside ..."

Many of us have wondered who is Jack Shit?

Jack Shit is the only son of AweShit who married O Shit, owners of Knee Deep in Shit Inc. Jack Shit married No Shit. The couple had 6 children:Holy Shit,Giva Shit,Fulla Shit,Bull Shit,the twins Deep Shit & Dip Shit. Deep Shit married Dumb Shit a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack & No Shit got divorced. No Shit married Ted Sherlock & became No Shit Sherlock. So, the next time someone says you don't know Jack Shit, you can proudly say,Yes, I do

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said,'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'.